We all hear it: “My mom is my best friend.
We’ve all heard the line:
“My mom is my best friend.”
And sure — on the surface, it sounds like a beautiful thing. A sign of closeness. Maturity. Unbreakable connection.
But for many women, the reality of being “best friends” with their mother feels less like love… and more like quiet emotional labor.
When It Doesn’t Feel Warm — It Feels Heavy
If you grew up with a mother who leaned on you emotionally, you know this feeling intimately.
- You carry her moods.
- You absorb her fears.
- You tiptoe around her pain.
- You become her sounding board, her safe place, her soft landing.
But here’s what no one tells you:
When your mom becomes your “friend,” you lose your mother.
You lose the safety of someone whose job was to protect you — not to confide in you like a peer. Not to compete with you. Not to lean on you more than she should.
The Invisible Boundary That Disappeared
You can’t quite name when it started.
You just know that at some point, the roles shifted.
You found yourself:
- Comforting her through her relationship struggles
- Managing her insecurities so she wouldn’t spiral
- Filtering your words so she wouldn’t feel hurt
You became the caretaker of her emotions. And no one warned you that this kind of closeness could feel like pressure — not peace.
Why It Happens (And Why It’s Not Your Fault)
Many women were never taught how to process their own emotions — so they unconsciously hand that weight to their daughters.
And if you’re empathetic, intuitive, emotionally attuned?
You absorb it all.
You become the sponge. The fixer. The therapist.
But not the daughter.
Over time, that imbalance leaves a residue:
Resentment. Confusion. Guilt.
Because deep down, you know something’s off — but you don’t want to be “ungrateful.”
The Quietest Wound?
You never truly separate.
You never fully become your own woman.
Because part of you is always scanning the room:
Is she okay? Did I say too much? Will she take this personally?
That’s not friendship.
That’s emotional enmeshment — with someone who was supposed to guide you, not lean on you.
So What’s the Fix?
You don’t need to cut her off.
But you do need to stop carrying her pain like it’s your job.
You need to stop shaping yourself into who she needs you to be — and start becoming who you are.
You can love her deeply — without being her emotional partner.
You can honor her journey — without inheriting her wounds.
You can show up — without abandoning yourself in the process.
Because your mother isn’t supposed to be your best friend.
She’s supposed to be your mother.
And if she forgot that, it’s okay for you to remember.
💬 Have you experienced this kind of “friendship” with your mom?
Tell me your story in the comments — or DM me anonymously. I’ll be sharing more reflections like this in future PurpleAge features.
Because healing isn’t always about distance.
Sometimes, it’s about redefining what closeness should feel like.
